the jigger or kalamazoo

hafer's plan to utilize the underused railway for the allentown cement company is genius. to locate one of these beauties, it's helpful to first know they're called handcars, pump trolleys, pump cars, or the two names in the subject heading.

another extrapolation from the numbers moerder was running in his future program, this picture shows what the games will be like in 2015. andy carl, on the right, will hold binoculars on his lap, because it's difficult to see far on the barren surface of the moon. on the left, bauer will apply the hand brake because being an asshole will be quantified and scored, giving their team a clear unfair advantage. dane's bastard pakistani quadruplets will be forced to push us everywhere for all games, seen here at the ripe age of 6.

additionally, mustachios will be necessary to filter out the massive amounts of noxious sulfur still left in the final stages of terraforming the moon. and, of course, the hats will be worn out of sheer coolness. turbans will be optional, except for dane's bastard children.

Yet Another New Event Proposal

What if Chiyo wrote up a scavenger hunt around the SV school district? For example, your first little mission would say like "If thou doth desire donuts, headeth here for a tasty treat" and then where would you head? Bam, the Dutch Touch. Then you get a clue that says "Find the biggest of bucks" and your team drives to the Big Buck Hunter game in the Village Tavern. Basically by the end of the scavenger hunt all participants will be drunk and stuffed with pastries, and the team that arrives back at the KPMG site wins. I don't know, I think it's cool...

Pump and Dump

So this is what I was talking about adding to the adventure race. Except down the tracks behind Miller's. I haven't quite figured out where to get one of these but I am sure there are some at the Leesport Farmers Market that we could pick up some Wednesday. This picture is from when Gary Busey took me and 9 year old Mike Chervanick home from Harrisburg last Sunday. It was a blast! And I should say "we took him home" that drunk fucker just sat there and talked about Jesus while me and little Mike Pumped away.
So go fuck yourselves (theres a 90% chance you won't get an STD)

cade mcnown's tugboat

instead of wieners or normal, brute-strength tugging, we could also rope joust. rope jousting is a game which could only have been invented by nerds at MIT who were not even good enough to make the ultimate frisbee team as pony-squad alternates.

as shown by mccowan's hippie evil twin, you stand on a cement block, and your opponent stands on one 30 feet away. you have a rope between you and you either make them fall off their block or snatch the rope out of their nerdy hands.

Additionally, I think if we made a way lamer version of those super long wilderness races, it would be cool. Imagine this:

Andy Carl in a round inner tube signed by John Runyan with a single paddle, starting at the base of blue falls. He has to paddle furiously past the iron bridge where he hands off his Kirby Puckett wooden BATon to Dane (who is grabbing his uncircumcised penis beneath his spandex track shorts). Dane sprints to the road where a power wheels awaits his arrival. He drives the power wheels to the top of Miller hill, where the BATon is passed to a pasty-yet-splotchy bare-chesticled Nate Bauer. In the final stage of the race, Bauer ambles toward the finish line where he picks up a Nerf weapon and fires three shots at a target for additional points. The scoring would need to weight the skills and times evenly, but i think it could be done. Ponder it.

And also, suck a dick.

Tug of War

So unless you are a fucking wimp, we are gonna do tug of war like this. And yes, I read the blogger use policy and they told me I can't upload nudity, but how else was I gonna describe the future of the games. So uhm, NOT IT! Sorry, Miller and Reigel you will have to Rock paper scissors for who goes. Don't worry though I have a good feeling we might win by forfeit. All you other bitches are going down!

Possibility of shirts for the Games

All right, the lady in the cubicle next to me at work may be able to help us get serious shirts for this years games. Besides having stress medication induced flatulence almost all day long, she also has a husband who has a T-shirt silk-screening business.

I need numbers and colors and a price ceiling (or floor) that everyone can live with. This guy was my Under 14's soccer coach when I lived in Reading, so I ought to be able to get him to not fleece us on the prices.

Please let me know what you think and go fuck your collective selves.

Long Live Puckett (in our hearts, of course)

I ran some numbers into a computer, and this is what we will all look like at KPMG 50 in the year 2052

Notice the barren landscape? In the future, KPMG will be played on the moon. As for the hats, they will be worn because they look really cool.