Summer Update

I hinted, in a comment on Nate's post, as to what I will be doing this summer in preparation for the KPMG. Well here is a little taste of what it looks like. I actually got an endorsement for my exquisite work with bears from John West Salmon Co. But I blew it all at Atlantic City. Not on gambling. I bought, what I thought was a 1982 original Optimus Prime still in the box. However when the 17 bottles of Mad Dog 20/20 wore off I realized I had been duped into buying a GoBot named Road Ranger.

Life update

Hey guys I just wanted to catch everyone up on what I've been doing with myself lately since none of you have bothered to keep in touch with me or show any interest in my life.

Which leads me to address Dane's comments following my first blog post ever yesterday.

I do in fact eat raw meat in the form of Wegman's sushi and no, I no longer use PAM cooking spray which I think is probably good for both my health as well as the environment.

I am in fact ready to claim my second* KPG crown this summer, and am in the midst of a training regime that includes cutting back on my alcohol consumption (I don't really have a choice, all my friends graduated and/or are gone for the summer) as well as eating more fish and olive oil.

* - we all know that McCowan and Moerder are winners by technicality despite an underwhelming performance in the summer of 2005.

As long as I'm re-living the past... how about that topped ringer?

Who would have thought that Andy Carl and I would eventually become fat friends and ultimately teammates?

And with that, I'm off to the Chesapeake for some sailing action with my buddy and former KPG contestant, Andy Schell.

Here's to a safe and enjoyable weekend, Dane and Carl.

The rest of you can fuck yourselves.

First of all....

If I had already been invited to this blog before and completely forgot about it, please excuse me.

If I had not been invited to this blog before, then fuck all of you.

Only through seeing that Adam Moerder had a new profile picture on facebook while pretending to work and listening to Love in this Club Remix did I stumble upon this blog. Looks promising.

That's all I have to say.

~Nate Bauer

leader jersey

i think this one is pretty obvious... how do we afford them?




i think the cheapest i saw these was 129 on ebay. we could settle for the minnesota pinstripes, but how the hell can you deny that baby blue? maybe whoever wins the games gets to wear them the whole next year. it's one hell of an incentive to win. then you can throw it in the face of the losers whenever you come home.

KPMG Leader Shirt

I was thinking we could get a few Kirby Puckett jerseys and perhaps use them as the leader shirt. Each member of the current leading team would sport the Puckett jersey, a la Tour de France. We could tally points after each event to figure out who would sport the proper wear.

P.S. Hahn is a shitty KPMG contestant. He was absolutely horrific in 1 and 2 and has the attention span of a lab rat. Although, I would like to hear some Japo banter during the games.

Malone: In or Out?

Has anyone talked to Malone? Heins or Joe Camel, is he going to play or is he out?

Ner's Statue

So first off, is it fair to say that for ToW and Joust that bare feet are the only allowed shoe wear? No advantages from cleats or anything else. Is jousting strictly a pulling game or is there strategy of dropping the rope and what not?

I believe that we should make a formal memorial for Kirby Puckett and perhaps even a burial site for his ashes. Also, since Ner will not be in attendance I think we should create a statue for him. The said statue will have Ner throwing the hook with each extremity of his body. He will be saying, "Go A-Fucking-Head" and will either be carrying the KPMG torch or holding his infamous laser that will never be turned off. Any ideas what we can make it out of?

Ged.

Tugs or Jousts

In light of the new poll, let's clear this up for good. Are we going to do official tug of war, demonstrated above by Moerder and his former squad at the distinguished alma mater, or are we jousting, shown below. Jousting is the aforementioned (by me and hafer) hippie-style of tugging, a much more finesse game (as demonstrated by the finesse-oriented physique of the other Harvard alum modeling the joust), and maybe more fair, but the traditional tug allows the entire team to compete at once. Votes?

How were we not invited to this?!?!

And to think, I was considering choosing P. Diddy as my team's third member...

If Malone cant come

This is who we will be adding if Malone cant make it, just thought id run it by the fat/skinny council first.

In Defense of Frisbee Golf

Since there's been a lot of grumbling and hand-wringing over what's to be done with frisbee golf, i will offer up a defense. Feel free to respond if you feel any of the points I make are pretty much bullshit.



1) Time-effectiveness

Frisbee golf takes about a minute to set up, and the event moves pretty quickly since every team competes at once. I think we plowed through it in like half an hour last year, which means more time for drinking and wassailing later in the night.

2) Competitiveness

Frisbee golf has been pretty awesome in that the scores are close and many games come down to the final hole. Also tie-breakers are real nail-biters, as a single throw of the frisbee can cause a two point swing, crucial in these Kirby Puckett Games. Also, as I mentioned in tenet one, having all four teams compete at once in an event is always desired more than having to rotate two teams in at a time like in bocce, shoes, 'minton, etc.

3) Parity/Randomness

While someone like Ner may have a Matrix-like ability to manipulate a frisbee's flight path, most of us are fairly even when it comes to huckin' the disc. The true test is how one responds to stimuli like trees, wind, the tree house, and Chiyo's bizarre garden decorations. This differs from events like Badminton that are determined more by acquired skill than instinct or inherent ability, as some of us have practiced the event so much in the last seven years that the court looks like a tundra. I know some people may really dislike randomness in the games, but I don't see frisbee golf as much more random than bocce or croquet. There's an undeniable strategy to the event. Plus, randomness isn't always a terrible thing. My big beef with tug of war (an event I support being in the games, mind you) is that you can probably predict with pretty high accuracy (at least compared to other events) who's going to win the event before it starts based on the size and strength of each team. I don't think that's a huge problem, but I think it's always nice to balance more deterministic games like ToW with games utilizing skills most of us don't use all the time.

That's basically my argument. I also would posit this: Why not include it in the games? I have not heard a good reason other than basically "it's gay" and "it's boring" and "it's the same game as bocce," which you could say about most of these events. IT'S A LAWN GAME TOURNAMENT, not the X-Games, these games are supposed to be gay and boring and involve throwing/hitting some object close to another one.

And a question: Is "Beissel" Brent Beissel or Chris?

The Elway Games

I think these games should be KPMG 7: The Elway Games.

And now that we have a date, let the discussion begin on the games themselves.

croquet
badminton (doubles and singles)
quoits or shoes?
frisbee golf
Trivial pursuit?
Bocce
Tug of War?

I like TP, and I think ToW should be introduced. I could live without frisbee golf or shoes, and I'd rather see golf go. I still think tetherball is too good an event to let go, but if I must I will say goodbye. I take shoes over quoits, if we have to do one of them. I think the scavenger hunt is a bad idea - anytime you have people leave the Slater Rd compound, you risk not completing the games. It has the potential to get out of control and waste an assload of much-needed time.

Will someone make a good case for frisbee golf please? I see no reason to have it in the games. My vote would be:

'quet
'minton (s&d)
'shoes
TP
'ce
ToW
Adventure race

with tetherball as a tiebreaker.

The Council has Spoken

After discussion with the Council of Elders (Moerder and I), the official date of the Kirby Puckett Memorial Games : 7 is.....Saturday, August 23rd at 10 AM. Early arrival is recommended.

Teams:
Me, Bauer and Carl
Brooks, Riegal and Hafer
Moerder, McCowan and Rowe/Brent Beissel?
Malone, Heins and Walborn
Otto, Chris Beissel and White or Brent Beissel?

Any suggestions in regards to the teams are highly recommended. The day before we will have a volunteer get-together to prepare the hallowed lands and clean up the yard for The 'Yo. This will provide the grounds with proper feng shui for the event. Also, I recommend we have a serious fucking party Saturday night.

Now, I believe we should lay out the games:
croquet
badminton (doubles and singles)
quoits or shoes?
frisbee golf
Trivial pursuit?
Bocce
Tug of War?

I cannot think of the other games. I think 8 games is good for a days work. (Please, when pronouncing the games with the question marks...please say them as though it is a question.)

War. Peace. Harmony. These my friends, are the Kirby Puckett Memorial Games.

I've seen my template for posts have gone by the way side. I haven't seen a decent SV grad.'s name in writing for days.

Ok, here is what I was suggesting we do. I think that late in to August isn't swell. Dane told me if we have it that late in August it won't be permitted at Chiyo's domain because classes start the next Monday for her. I think, above all things, we do anything to accommodate The 'Yo so we can have it in its rightful venue. Also, my aforementioned statement about wanting it on a Saturday remains the same.

My vote, August 16th.

Rock the Vote!

Since I think we finally proved Kirby Puckett was a god, I just changed the poll. Not sure if those are the dates we should be choosing, but g'ed and hang your clucker out (please vote)!

DATE AND TEAMS - VOTE

OK - Murder is a bad blog hoster. Vote in the comments section

My vote is for Sat Aug 22nd, and my team is Hafer and Riegel (Stamm alternate).

Worst Post Ever

So after that horrible attempt to do something remotely productive by Carl I would like to add a revision to my baby punting idea. Miller, thinks we should go with a much safer form of baby related sports. His suggestion is baby curling. I know the ice on Ontelaunee might be a bit thin in August, so we might just grease up Miller's kitchen floor. Or maybe rent an alley at Berks Lanes. And I know what your thinking. Well if we are gonna do that why don't we just have baby bowling. Believe my I tried. They rarely make it out of the ball return.

Solid Plans.

Ok, so after giving it some thought after a discussion with Dane, I think it would suck to have the games the weekend of the 23rd. Also, Sunday doesn't seem like a good idea because the Saturday night, post-game get together is as big of an event as the games itself.

So we need to get a solid date and definite team rosters together so we can establish team base camps, training facilities, and endorsement deals.

On a lighter note.

I have a new contest for the games. The French call it "Coup de Bebe". It is a good mix of skill, athleticism and luck. You need a good strong leg, a bit of practice and of course how far the baby flies when you punt it is soley determined by the babies size, weight, demeanor and ability to sit still while you make your approach. I talked to Chio about it she said "Well if you guys are gonna punt babies and drink beer at my house then I would be more than happy to host the KPMG. For a minute I thought you fairies were gonna hang around here playing Trivial Pursuit and frisbee golf." So it sounds like a go!