There's Only One August

A message from Dane Cook...

"KPMG7: Puckett's Revenge. That's Kirbinald Puckett Memorial Games, the seventh. A lot's goin' down in Chiyo's backyard. You got Team Dane, with Bauer and Carl, the Italian sub. He's filled with mayonnaise. Can they reverse the curse? You got Team White Oak, headed by defending champs Moerder and White. They're hungry for a repeat sandwich. You got Brooks' team, which will probably have at least one guy who's gotten fatter since high school. Can they arrive on time this year? Then you got another team that we don't know yet. A champion will be crowned on Saturday. Boys will be made into men. Someone will bring taco salad. Cuz there's only one Puckett's Bucket. There's only one leg missing on Dane's cat. There's only one AUGUST."

Feck Youze

hey taint-ticklin zucchini munchers: stop putting otto on my fucking team.

if otto wants to play so goddamn bad get him a fucking team.

double O is gonna rip shit, and i mean way more than ass type shit.

also:
trivial pursuit should be in the games. it's the quickest event and it's worth it. feck yezall.

New Lineup

I believe Mat Malone may not be attending. This is part of the rumor mill, so Heins you could help me out with this. If he is not, then the almighty Merv will be in attendance. Here is the new lineup of competitors. McCowan is also a slight possibility.

Team 1: Me, Bauer and Carl
Team 2: Heins, Walborn and Malone or Merv
Team 3: Brooks, Hafer and probably Stamm or Otto
Team 4: Moerder, C. Beissel and White or McCowan

I think it would be better to include Otto over Stamm since he has already participated but we will see. We could also just throw Otto onto Team 4 and nix White and McCowan. McCowan recently emailed me and he is not even positive he could make the Games. His commitment disturbs me.

Games and tentative schedule:
Croquet
Jousting
Bocce combined with Badminton Doubles
Badminton Singles combined with Horseshoes
Frisbee Golf (new course design?)
Tug of War (no cleats)
Trivial Pursuit

Are we playing Trivial Pursuit? Any votes?

The Games start at 10AM, sharp. If Brooks is late he is no longer invited. I believe he will be staying at the hallowed grounds the night before, so his lateness should be impossible.

Phek Hugh

I am back in the area of the Hallowed Grounds. You are all hopelessly preparing. This is a new fucking dawn.....SONS!!! Here is a new list of players...

Brooks, Hafer, (Stamm?, Otto?)
Moerder, Chris Beissel, White? Is White in or what? I believe McCowan is out.
Heins, Malone, Walborn
Me, Bauers, A. Carl

What am I missing? Also, the Yo demands that we try to keep our swearing down from 4-7 because Stephen Stauss is having an open house for his wedding.

finally dane gets noticed by ESPN

http://sports.espn.go.com/ncaa/recruiting/basketball/mens/news/story?id=3220576\

Also, the hot weather this week is reminding me of KPMG season. DO we have an order of events to optimize the time and mood of the competitors? Let's open it up for discussion so dane here can throw in his two cents.


Andy that was the lamest post I've ever read.

Mickelson, Memorial Games Pair Up for Summer of Kirby

AP Newswire (Leesport)- Famed southpaw golfer Phil Mickelson announced today a 5 year partnership with the Kirby Puckett Memorial Games. The financial terms of the contract were not disclosed, but are said to be around 3 trays of taco dip and a $50 Sheetz gift card.

Mickelson seemed quite excited for the partnership. "I took a look at the roster for the Games and I feel I have quite a few similarities with the competitors. I have huge man breasts and so do several of the competitors. Anytime a good pair of banana tits show athletic prowess, I want to be involved."

When asked about his rooting interests, "Lefty" was quick with his answer. "The team of Dane, Bauer, and Andy have the nicest set of tits this side of the Mississippi. You gotta love those racks. Plus, I have an immense amount of foreskin, so you know where my allegiance lie."

The Kirby Puckett Memorial Games begin August 23rd, with pre-game coverage starting the night before at 7 PM on BCTV followed by Polka with the Riveredge. All proceeds from the Games go to the Former Dutch Touch Employees of Berks County Assoc. (FDTEBCA)
-AP-

I have too much time on my hands.

New Poll Posted

I have a feeling the results will not be surprising...